Am I... broken?

May 23, 2024

For so long when life would hit me with a hard lesson, the image of a porcelain vase cracking would come to mind. Some cracks were bigger than others as some pain is greater than others. I went through phases of trying to reframe this feeling... 

 

Firstly, I tried to imagine the cracks as ways for light to shine through. With each set back, life was seemingly opening me the way an unexpected hurdle creates a certain humbleness. Next, I tried on the Japanese concept of kintsugi, meaning 'to join with gold'. I imagined all the cracks filled with something even more beautiful. The way life’s toughest lessons sometimes grow us into becoming a more empathetic human. 

 

However, it struck me, all those images did indeed confirm my thinking that my experiences had left me broken or shattered in some a way. This got me thinking, if I am broken do I require fixing? And can the things that ‘broke’ me actually be ‘fixed’? Can any experience really be undone or fixed? All of them occurred, no matter how much gold glue we try to pour into the cracks it could never 'uncrack'.

 

So for now my preference is to perhaps see the vase as unset clay. Each painful experience, an indent in the vase. Some deeper than others. They leave a lasting imprint and I am always whole. The impressions taught me hard lessons, reshaped me and created a unique character. Perhaps, no one is broken just going through a particularly painful impression? Could our greatest pain mould us into original artworks unable to be copied or replicated? What if we were all whole and worthy of love right now even if it doesn’t feel like it?

 

With kindness,

 

...

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